Defence Kids
Being the ‘new guy’ is not just about resilience

Being the ‘new guy’ is not just about resilience

Being the new guy sucks.

Moving states knowing you’re going to be the new one also sucks.

And yes, it is what you make of it. It can be turned into a grand ol’ adventure, discovering all those places you never have before.

But let’s be honest for a second here. Having to up and move your whole family to another state for someone else’s job is an emotional rollercoaster.

It takes a lot of preparation.

A lot of emotional resilience.

Much more second guessing than I’d like to admit to.

You will become the new one in so many circles I think eventually it almost becomes too hard to start again emotionally.

If your children are small, then you also take on their load. Their emotional rollercoaster they don’t know how to deal with. They miss their friends and don’t understand why we had to leave.

If you ask them to step out why we left, they can tell you. But emotionally, it just doesn’t make sense to them. At all.

Depending on who you talk to, people will say they will build resilience. It’s good for them. They will get used to it.

And sure, they might be right. But you can’t help but think they might just not be saying anything any more. It’s not like they are going to get a different answer.

There seems to be an unwritten rule which needs to change. Some kind of click that doesn’t just happen on the inside but in the families as well. Like you need to do your time.

You can get left out in the dark for asking too many questions, not doing enough tours, and not having more moves under your belt.

I’m sure it’s not intentional.

But it’s there.

Related: The Missing Family Support in Defence life

As a new family in this mix, it can be especially hard to navigate.

You’re kind of caught in the middle.

Your ‘old’ life, friends and family don’t truely understand what’s going on. They try to for sure. But it’s hard. It’s hard to explain this is just how it is. You sometimes get lots of information and other times none. Some days you know what’s happening and the next minute it changes.

Life plans get put on hold, for smaller ones or none at all, because we just don’t know what’s going to happen that far ahead. Our future plans are capped by the number of years we have left. Here. Then onto the next phase. The next adventure. Another new beginning.

There is an acceptance of being alone without truely being alone. A strange one to explain.A strange one to grasp unless you have experienced it.

It does get better. slowly

You do fins your feet. slowly

There are many families who choose not create those lasting relationships each time. It’s just easier to not have strong bonds to then let go of.

And I can understand that.

But it doesn’t make the loneliness go away.